Monday, June 6, 2011

If he could

If he could describe the gnawing feeling,
or truly get in touch with it, perhaps
then he'd settle for the life he has made,
not the one that consumes his dreams.

so many ripples
upon this lake –
so many years


fog thickens
at the river's mouth –
this loneliness


Adelaide said...

If you don't mind my suggestion: I would make L3 shorter by omiting "gone by." I don't think you need that phrase. I feel that "so many years" by itself conveys time gone by.


Warren said...

HI Adelaide - I'm always open to critiques and comments, especially from you. I've deleted the "gone by", but didn't want to do as we would in a forum and leave the original in the post.

Thanks! Warren