Thursday, May 13, 2010

morning light

morning light
fringes the crimson tulips . . .
the curve of her smile


Adelaide said...

Lovely, Warren. The shape of her lips and the roundness of the tulip petals, the crimson of both flower and lips, the curve of both, a spring morning...I can see it and feel it.

I have one tiny suggestion, and it's just because it's the way I would write it, so perhaps this won't appeal to you...For L3 add the article the...the curve of her smile. I think it would make the pivot L2 work better. Just my own preference.

all the best,

Warren said...

Hi Adelaide - I struggled over using the definite article or not - I was a little afraid L3 would read too long with the article, but I'm taking your advice and adding it. Your opinion counts a lot to me - thanks!